• You can do this with your partner or a friend or family member that you feel close to.
  • Pick a question you want to answer, then point it out to your partner.
  • (S)he asks you that question and you answer. (S)he just listens. No interruptions, no guiding, just listening to you.
  • When you seem to be finished, (s)he say's thank you and then asks the #2 part. Just listening to you. Then thank you.
  • The only time (s)he gets to ask anything is if (s)he's confused and not following what you are saying. In that case, (s)he asks, please clarify ____________, and you do. That's all.
  • Then you switch and (s)he shows you which question (s)he wants to answer. You read the question to him/her and then listen, no interrupting.
  • It's an extraordinary exercise in the act of love which is what real listening is.
  • The best way to do this is to keep repeating the same question, you go deeper and deeper each time.
  • Make sure to keep eye contact the whole time.


1. Tell me how you want to be communicated with.
Thank you
2. Tell me how you want to communicate with others.
Thank you


1. Tell me something about your self you have held back from people.
Thank you
2. Tell me a decision you could make about this.
Thank you


1. Tell me how you want to be loved.
Thank you
2. Tell me how you want to love others.
Thank you


This exercise was created by Russell Scott from the Ecology Centre in Ontario, and used with permission.

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